Asylum sought

Intelligence has intercepted the following transmission from one of the current residents of this house, who has apparently rumbled an incipient plan for his future:
Help – they have trussed me up in this ridiculous new-fangled cycling gear and made me sit with this old git in a cloth cap, and now they are threatening to burn us both to cinders on a ceremonial pyre. I am seeking asylum on the grounds of mental cruelty and mortal endangerment. And those are big words for a little bear. Signed: Old Blind Ted OBE
The reply from his contact on the other side of the Atlantic has also been intercepted:
Dear Mr Ted OBE,
As you know Canada welcomes everyone – even sartorially challenged and visually impaired bears. The Belgravia Board of Directors will convene this week to discuss your application for refugee status. In the meantime, you are advised to keep a low profile and ensure all matches and twig like items are disposed of.
Love from your friends, the Boston Bruins.

Case currently under review. Old Blind Ted’s lack of fraternal compassion for his comrade Cromarty (the old git in the cloth cap) may not count in his favour. On the other hand, Cromarty’s loyalty to a certain French supermarket chain may prove useful – watch this space.

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